Wednesday, May 04, 2005

bring to mind tubes affixed to my hands and feet siphoning and draining, to the last ounce, of my energy and you have me. i feel so drained that i feel like i'm functioning in monochrome, the many hues that make up how i look today have slowly but surely seeped into and through the tubes. i am so tired that it takes me longer than usual to think up and form sentences, forgive me, i'm not usually so whiny but today really got on my tits. my memory is lapsing and i am fighting a losing battle with the hunger that results from fatigue. today, apart from learning exactly nothing in class, the realisation that i am not, and never will be, a team player has finally caught up with me, after sticking around like hiv, there are cocktails and modern science to repress it, but once it progresses to full blown aids, there is no denying it; my realisation was just as ugly. for that, i have the large horde that were my classmates, we looked like a herd of wildebeast grazing the concrete plains of town, and my irrevocable self-centered being. even when we split like atoms to become a new group of 8, it was still a little too much. it's especially nightmare on orchard boulevard whenever everyone speaks at one time. i'm sure the chaos and noise of it all will be haunting me for many moons to come. today was also the b-listers [or blisters, hur hur] of caldecott hill's day out. jessea thyidor looking lost and a little pudgy but good at taka's food basement and police and thief's sergeant dollah at the orchard library, i didn't know his name and i doubt anyone does. nice of him to take pictures with everyone but me so willing though. i'm just not big on the ooh! ah! orgasm! it's a celeb! thing. i must be so laidback i'm almost horizontal. what followed was a camera-phone photo taking frenzy only to be contested by a rabid pack of piranhas feeding on a fallen big fat pasty-white american. hope i didn't send the wrong messages but i already wasn't up for smiling and posing. the little girl that is in the care of my mother is talking to herself and is also rather rude. she once poked my panty-clad derriere with my devil's staff left over from halloween and commented in her own haughty way that it was firstly inappropriate to walk around the house with my girly bits barely covered and secondly i shouldn't be wearing such small and low riding undies because it is also inappropriate. another time, when zaihan was still not a regular fixture in my room, she said, 'you broke your promise to not sleep with boys'. some time ago, in between boyfriends, she made me promise to have no more boys over. such a paragon of morality and righteousness, our little mormon. alright, between dinner, msn and the little girl, this entry has taken long enough to write. later.

the textual siege.

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