Thursday, October 27, 2005

i was away from the laptop for a bit just now, only to come back to find someone, whom i guess is friendquaintance, started an msn conversation. out of politeness i replied that i wasn't busy. out of his habitual self-centredness, he replied with rant about his old job and his jerk of a boss. on and on he went and increasingly, my patience wore thin. he does this whole rant without caring whether the rantee cares thing all the fucking time. he doesn't seem to care that when this happens, i reply with very monosyllabic answers in the correct spaces in the one-sided conversations. bear in mind this person is smart and can hold a conversation very well. i know because we once met for dinner, only for it to stretch on till 3 or 4am. how could a person so smart ignore such blatant signs of discontent and unwillingness? or is it precisely because of a person's smarts that he ignores or overlooks things? he works in a neighbouring country holding a high paying job and comes back here a couple times a year. whenever he does, he would ask me out, for drinks or dinner, nothing sleazy. invariably, when he returns, i'd be unable to meet him because of a plethora of reasons and the overriding one being attached. more and more, i find the reasons not reasons anymore, but as foils to stave off his invitations. the reason why i'm still in touch with him is because he might be a potential business contact or even boss cos he's unofficially offered a job when i'm done studying which could prove quite lucrative and i despise myself for that. what a hypocrite this entry has proven me to be. i don't have the lack of morals or principles to pursue something romantic with him when i could just because of a perceived character flaw even though he's very financially stable yet i don't have enough morals/principles to straight out tell him i'm annoyed with him and block him on the msn list just because i might benefit from this friendships.

the textual siege.

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