Wednesday, September 21, 2005

a literary meme i've taken on, a lil somethin' somethin' before i get started on real work which would do nothing for me in the real world. i am the blogger who is still unsure who she's writing for. i am the blogger who has been blogging since 15, starting her first in a surprisingly clean student bedsit in london. i am the writer who still grapples with her style, who still gets bashful at compliments, who will write till the day her fingers or mind no longer work; whichever come first. i am the child who was brought up solitary in a world of adults whose ways i admired and mirrored and made my own. i am the child brought up selfish. was, am, will forever be. i am the child who had everybody fawning over her and had grandparents and aunts drive over when all it took were flushed cheeks from a bout of fever. i am the child who refused to do her homework unless it had something to do with writing. i am the child who always had her head bent, eyes darting up and down, with the permenant book on her lap. i am the 7 year old who kissed boys in class and hit another on the head with her water bottle just because she wanted to do something but was beat to it. i am the daughter who will forever be sorry that we are bound by a parochial system and affection doesn't come round much. i am the niece who will never live up to your expectations and forever be struggling to please you. i am the granddaughter who misses you very much and wishes you never died. i am the granddaughter who still cries when she thinks of you; which is now. i am the lover best described as a lazy tiger in bed. i am the girlfriend who 'thinks single' and hopes everyday she wouldn't have the excuse to act it. i am the girlfriend who cheated on you brazenly and took calls from you while in someone else's bed. i am the girlfriend who only stuck around so long because she pitied you and worried what would become of you if she left. i am the girlfriend who is cold, remote, removed in fights. i am the girlfriend whose heart melts quietly seeing your head hung low with helplessness. i am the friend who misses you; the true partner in crime and whom, with me, orchestrated many days and nights of mischief with a delightful gleam in our eyes; with fear and consequence conveniently forgotten. i am the friend you shared a guy with. and together we relished it and played it over with rapt delight and total abandon. i am the friend who isn't much of a friend to you anymore. i am the friend who now gives in calculated doses because of you. i am the friend who is very happy of the friends she has now. i am the student who needs to get down to work about NOW. if i am all that, then what are you?

the textual siege.

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