Sunday, July 03, 2005

Random things that have been burned into my eye : some time last week - witnessing some sort of meteor-like thing one evening as i opened the door for the boyfriend. we stood in awe for a good 5 minutes. it blazed through the sky so very slowly, it was grace in motion. it was very odd, the tail end of it would ignite and go out and reignite. it played hide and seek with us amongst the clouds until we finally lost view of it. my father ate his overflowing plate of dinner all throughout, unfazed my old man was. him and my mom said it was a spaceship. i secretly hoped it was time for the apocolypse. some time last week too - sunsets like this

. oddly, even though there are other blocks of flats in the horizon, as seen in the picture, we keep getting these magnificent sunsets that just floor me. the best thing is, i always catch them by accident when i pass by the balcony. i wonder if anyone else pauses and takes long hard looks at these brilliantly coloured gifts. for the last time, some time last week - the way his eyes looked when i spat horrible, spiteful, arsenic laced things. the exchanges were terse and tense, questions were sarcastic barbs and replies were laconic. what a terrible week. there were always many tension fuelled staring matches, in which i would always crack and look away, as sure as i was always wrong. having the choice to let something so good cease to exist just with the choice between two one syllable words is awful. but things have a way of working themselves out and throw in a little less pride and ego and voila, things are dandy again. aged 10, hawaii, pearl harbour - it was extremely disconcerting to see oil still surfacing from some sunken ship from the war then take pictures with smiley-faced subjects against a ginormous memorial wall inscribed with anonymous names. very, very odd experience. aged 15, the icu of some hospital - my ailing grandfather on what would become his deathbed within an hour of our arrival that all started with the foreboding phonecall in the dead, no pun intended, of the night. oddly, i don't remember much of it, when i feel i should. yknow what they say about your brain being able to block out unpleasant memories. aged 15, void deck in bishan - my grandfather's 3 day wake. i wasn't staying there then, so whenever i arrived at the wake, i would have to go 'see' him through the coffin. same sharp, handsome features but there was a waxy, unreal quality to his skin.

the textual siege.

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