the textual siege.

i feel like a zombie at work...which directly explains my ineptitude and sloth like pace of grasping things. it is terrible to be so ineffectual and unreceptive in the face of duty, however unintentional it may be. i swear, this is going to be my last ever job wherein money, and not passion, is a driving force. makes me wonder if there are any hookers out there who happen to be nymphos too. heh.

i loathe and grieve with all my being the demise of my personal time. the grave's still fresh and the longing for it is still as intense as ever but what i'm doing here is just grasping at wisps of its memory. it's like, me time? what's that? it's ridiculous how far ahead i plan for my only precious off day yet i sometimes inwardly groan at it because free time = coming up with ways of spending money. ironic how with more money, my spending has become more draconian.

i've been reading with interest how so many bloggers are quick to vilify the fashion industry for promoting eating disorders. obviously, rubenesque beauties are a thing of the past and even more so in asian society. i haunt local and international forums where threads like 'what are you wearing today' feature prominently. the glaring difference between both forums is that the girls on the local ones always seem to slyly fish for compliments while showcasing their outfits, which i'm afraid are rarely exciting. the compliments they seem to seek most of the time are related to their physique and it reeks of a need for general, public approval. sadly, replies pandering to such neediness are always abundant, sincerity however dubious. it's a vicious cycle you see.

the international ones however, are noticeably focused on fashion and while there are alot of compliments flying around, one gets the feeling that they are invariably more heartfelt and insightful.

the one thing i can never get around is the asian preoccupation for fairness and thinness. both seem to be tied to the pinkerton syndrome but with all that literature and movies out there that show that these caucasians we put up on a pedestal are slowly but surely dropping dead because of obesity, why are we still looking towards them with such adoring gazes?

i could write a paper on body issues and asian society but i need to sleep, because being inscrutable, uninteresting and slow at work expends energy too yknow.