Tuesday, May 02, 2006

i hate these afternoons of mundanity, i always feel so displaced and helpless, like i don't know what to do with myself. i always feel better when night falls. something about the darkness shrouding everything puts me to ease and lulls me to this comfort zone where only i belong and hold the key to. i'm suddenly reminded of my favourite childhood book, secret garden. technology complicates everything these days. i miss the days where i'd come home from school, be fed either by my grandmother or mother and start reading whatever till dinnertime. i don't even read much at home now, time is lavished on the net, msn and the telly.

the reason why sometimes i don't blog for random stretches of time is not for a lack of fodder but because i'm hit with these unexplainable fits of hyperawareness. i would feel very conscious of myself, like i don't belong in this skin and body and i get squirmy and uncomfortable being this....entity. even now i'm feel a little unsure. i think i've had this feeling displaced, existential problem with ming before. fuck i miss him like crazy. i'm always looking forward to saturdays when sam, him and i hang and do nothing but talk. i remember during the course of the first week of school this new semester, i passed by the woodlands station and felt this sinking feeling because that's where he would hop on the train and we'd start chatting about everything. i rarely feel like this about friends. if whoever's reading haven't noticed, this blog's kinda minimal. i like it this way. no frills, no gimmicks, that's how i am. also, i haven't done the linking other blogs thing for a damn long time now, i'm not sure why i don't do it actually. however, for those whom i don't even talk to and you don't even like me yet have me linked on your blogs, i would appreciate it if i was taken down. what for link me if we don't even talk right? i don't need the readership, thanks. oh and sam would like to be taken down too. empty vessels make the most noise.

the textual siege.

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