Tuesday, March 29, 2005

the new old kid on the blog.

the inaugural post of a new blog, the deflowering of such pristine new space all for me, hopefully not to be tainted by lousy posts and bad puns and smart-aleckness. 2 years of memories, pleasant or otherwise, have been lost in cyberspace for good. a backup copy of something like one and a half years of it, when i first feared the murder of spunsugar, has been washed out in the reformatting of my laptop. all that's left now is all that's contained within me and i deeply fear that with the passing of time, the memories would be blunted and fuzzied, no longer sharp and crystal clear as some of them still seem now. as ideal as it is that some would be modified without my conscious control, i rather not. leave the bad ones as they are, which are really thinly disguised lessons of life, as cheesy as that may sound. and preserve the beautiful ones for me to look back with fondness. i also wish to still have at hand those blindly bold entries where i ploughed forward obstinately, slightly in denial that no one would read them; and let me laugh at my own silly follies of youth and inexperience. then again, i suppose i the hacker to thank, whoever you may be, to being the lancet to the festering wound that is spunsugar. many of the entries that comprised of that blog were very much unhappy yet i've never had the courage to pull the plug on it and letting it affect me so much so that i couldn't bring myself to blog anymore. i haven't mentioned this to anyone because i considered it of inconsequence but the blog was like a destructive love affair, the more i indulged in it, the more i couldn't produce anything to my liking. i've spent many a sleepless night typing out rambling entries only to click the handy red X in a fit of displeasure and dissatisfaction. because i couldn't write, because i couldn't be honest with myself and you all and because the red X is such an escape from reality. so, cheers to a new start and hello to all of you, again.

the textual siege.

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